Category: Interviews

Independence Day  Van Morrison


In two days we celebrate our independence from England–July 4th 1776. I have been thinking about the psychological meaning of the word “independence” and while, yes, we can break free from oppressive governments, oppressive parents and families, and oppressive relationships, does that make us independent? A more important question, are we ever truly independent? When Bill Clinton was in the White House Hillary wrote a book entitled “It Takes A Village.” Conservatives Mocked, Comedians made jokes, and why not? Isn’t America the home of the cowboy and superhero, the lone individual who’s got it all together, does his or her thing and rides off alone into the sunset. But as I think about it and I hope you will too I believe that it does “take a village” and all of the people and relationships and inter-relational systems to make things work. Networking isn’t about independence, it’s about individuals with a developed sense of self relating to others, coming together to form consensus and solving problems, to support each other in time of need and times of distress. It is Interdependence. So on this July 4th as fireworks make us ooh and ah, as the we enjoy our barbecues, our friends and our time at the beach, pool, country, or just relaxing in our homes we might want to reflect on the word independence and realize that without interdependence independence would never have happened. It takes a village, after all, because over time we can never really go it alone.

Chime in on my post. Tell Dr. Ike your own ideas and feelings about independence/interdependence. And if you are having difficulties with that other pop-psych phrase “co-dependence” tell us about it and we’ll give you feedback that might help.

Here are some great tunes on the topic:

“Going Down To Cuba” Jackson Browne

“4th of July” Aimee Mann

“If I should Fall Behind” Bruce Springsteen



15 thoughts on “Independence Day/Interdependence Day

  1. On each actual money on-line casino website, you will see a large record of playing video games that differ from one casino to a different. Some of the no obtain casinos may – casino online appear to have the broader demo games record than we do however we try to keep up and often replace our recreation list with the most recent slots.

  2. I really have trouble with issues of independence, interdependence, codependency, and isolation. I don’t know why, but it seems I have a flaw, a deep-seated transcription error or mutation or perhaps a pheromone that seems all too often to bring out the worst in me and in the women who have been in my life.

    If the relationship wasn’t flat-out Jerry-Springer dysfunctional, there were really heartbreaking choices that ultimately necessitated that I hit the road after a lot of teeth gnashing and tears.

    You would never know it to look at me or to know me superficially. I wear a damned good mask and can deceive with the best of them.

    But I am a solitary herd animal and not okay with that fate. And I can’t seem to stop spinning my wheels around and around and around.

    Sorry to be a bummer, but this topic hits a serious nerve and really upsets me. It feels better to write this–katharsis perhaps…

    1. Spivey, If the site offers catharsis that to me means we are doing our job. Relief, release, and hopefully some understanding and self-love can help as well. You mention you are spinning your wheels so what I want to play for you may be somewhat light-hearted and is not meant to trivialize what you wrote. Here’s Blood. Sweat, and Tears “Spinning Wheels.”

  3. Arnold B. discovered something I have observed many times. The bees in the hive (your neighborhood) don’t have to know each others names to do their job well, but they do need each other to get the job done and they do take some sort of comfort from a hive well-built and full of other bees all bumping wings and not caring about the crowding.

    1. Lily you are so right. Many times when I see traffic from a distance or when I’m part of a commuting crowed walking up the LIRR Penn Station stairs I smile at the similarity– bees in a hive.
      Here’s Kenny Loggins and Jim Messina with their song about Winnie-the-Pooh and bees in the hive. Count em. “House at Pooh Corner”

    2. aree lauki US mein nahi dekih,islayee tho tumare recipe dekh kar pani aa rahaa hai….khya karu samaj mein ayee na..(GHULAM film song line) hehe

    3. You probably overheated the phone by placing it on your dashboard. You would be surprised how many degrees over 100 your dashboard can quickly become. Even my radar detector can overheat in the sun after an hour or so. It’s not a big deal no that a phone doesn’t like such extreme heat. Even if it didn’t crash, the heat is quite bad for it.

    4. Hola pues a mi aunque sencilla me gusta la receta de mi madre, es muy sencillo, solo hay que cortar las fresas por la mitad y añadirle jugo de naranja y un poquito de vinagre, despues azucar a tuti plen…el vinagre acentúa el dulzor de la fresa…. 

    5. Ya me hice vuestro test, pero me dio negativo ya que no tengo problemas digestivos cuando sufro migraña (ni diarrea, ni estreñimiento, ni hinchazón de abdomen…). Quizá algún día haya podido ser así pero no siempre, no puedo relacionar una cosa con la otra porque no ocurre de continuo.

  4. Hi, I just want to tell all of you that I know two people born on the 4th of July who are independent leaders in their fields working on their own not part of big organizations – one is an artist and they other is a high-powered attorney. While they don’t have workmates, I observe that they each have a huge circle of friends, globally. I am sure this is not an accident and they draw inspiration from them all.

  5. Dr. Ike, you are spot on with the observation that one can never truly go it alone over time. I stayed pretty much to myself. I would go to work and not participate in the chit-chat there very much, I don’t have any friends who live in my town anymore all of them having moved out to larger cities. I have not dated since my wife left me over a year ago. You won’t believe this, but I thought I did not care about all this aloneness…. plenty of time to read or watch TV if I needed company. Then I got sick and could not leave the house. Do you know, I can’t wait for the letter carrier to deliver the mail and ask me how I am feeling? I look forward to the drug store delivery guy chatting about the weather and asking me how I feel. When my grocer delivers supplies, I get to talk baseball with him. When the kid comes to mow the lawn, I ask him how school is going and I really pay attention to his answer and so on and so on. I am amazed these mini “relationships” really mean something to me.

    1. Arnold I’ve had that feeling in my life. Times when I was alone, living alone I’d get strength and positive energy with the people at the gym, in the grocery store, the mail person, etc. Sometimes the trees and plants gave me strength. When clients talk about being alone and feeling lonely I tell them this story and recommend this song, “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” Barbra Streisand

  6. Hello Dr. Ike! I don’t know how I found you just now, but I want you to know your format here is very unique and I learned a lot by reading the prior posts. I do have a question about co-dependency. My hubby and I are both overweight. We try to eat appropriately and I certainly only cook nutritious low-cal stuff, but when he decides he wants something to eat outside the realm of good for him, I always follow suit. He does not follow my lead when I mess up the calorie count for the day and he is very critical of me for doing so. I swear, if he were to stop watching what he eats all together, I would do the same. My mother says that I am co-dependent because every time he abuses food, so do I. I am not sure if she is using that term properly. Can you explain it to me, please?

    BTW, I just looked at Psych N’ Roll Facebook page……wow! You are really in great shape for 50 years old. Were you always that way?

    1. The best way to describe co-dependence is to let an expert do it. Here’s an article that might help.

      As to your question about the shape I’m in, I’ve always exercised but it wasn’t until I hired a personal trainer that I went from being a man in my late sixties to one who was slightly over fifty (Benjamin Button eat your heart out)

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