Before I discuss my interview with Dr. Judy Rabinor I want to make a statement followed by an announcement and followed by some winter guidance. First, thanks to all who came out for my book signing at Book Revue. It was a huge success and the proceedings were video recorded so in time we will place it on You Tube and on this site. Second, we are having a Kindle sale on Amazon.com. Beginning this Friday “Final Shot” will sell for .99 cents, but every two days after the price will rise one dollar. So if you’re curious, have read or heard great reviews, and are into mystery, suspense, and thrills this is your chance to get “FINAL SHOT” and place it on your ebook device. FINAL SHOT is a wonderful read for those winter shut-in days. It’s also great to take with you on vacation for the plane, beach, or whenever else you have down time. “FINAL SHOT” .99 cents beginning Friday Feb 7th.
Speaking of winter. This has been a tough one and I’m afraid it’s far from over (our little groundhog agrees and my Siberian Forest cats predicted a tough one with fur growth that made them look like porcupines). So don’t confuse SAD with depression. That’s Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Think of down time at home as an opportunity to get things done that you may have put off when you were more active outside. Think of yourself as a bear, hybernating to get ready for Spring. I’m telling you this because it is what I tell myself ( I’ve spent these snow days catching up on past episodes of “Breaking Bad.” Now that’s a mystery and thriller with twists and turns that maybe rivals “Final Shot.”)
Now, let’s talk about Dr. Rabinor, her interview, and her book.
Here are the takeaways from the interview: Dr. Rabinor is a fine and passionate speaker about the topic with first-hand experience as well as professional expertise. And I agree with everything she said. In my work with couples who are about to divorce or are already divorced the common emotional denominator is loss. These deeply felt emotions if not understood and handled well lead to anger and destructive behavior to the ex. Both parties get caught up in an acting out cyle, The real tragedy is that children become the victims and their lives are from that point on are forever damaged by the behavior of their parents. We have to be realistic. Divorce is a given in our society. Unless some fundamentalist orgaization takes over our country it will continue to be a reality. That being the case it behooves society to aid parents who are divorcing to create a more positive atmosphere for their children. Civility is the baseline. Friendship can be a goal, perhaps for some it seems utopian but it is in the realm of possibility, especially if we remember to think not only about our children, but also about our own emotional and physical well-being. After all, even if a marriage ends the relationships do not. Think about all the people you and your ex have connections with. Even though you are divorced, it doesn’t mean you have to be estranged because if you go that root you are likely to lose extended family members, friends, business associates, parents of your children’s friends and others.
If, whatever the reason, you are going to divorce use a non-advesarial process like divorce mediation. Try to arrange joint custody, joint physical custody if possible, but joint legal custody otherwise. Communicate with each other about the children so that they come before your own needs. If you find this too difficult to do or if you have a new relationship and your partner has difficulty with this, find a therapist who will assist all of you in making a positive, civil transition.
Some of you will write that your spouse can’t let get of his or her hatred. For some, what Dr. Rabinor has written will be difficult if not impossible to attain. But if there is any opening to the possiblity try to make it happen. Your children will benefit, you and your ex will benefit, the new people in your life will ultimately have a more serene life with you and society as a whole will reap the rewards.
That’s it. Now let’s share your experiences. Ask your questions and send us your music. There are some great musical pieces that touch on this subject. I’ll play some and I’d love to hear what you recommend. First I’ll provide an Amazon link for Dr. Rabinor’s book. Click here.
Here’s our first musical set: “Children Will Listen”– Barabra Streisand, “You’ve Got a Friend”– Carol King, and finally “Better in Time”– Leona Lewis.